If Albert were alive

[Some names have been changed to protect the innocent and the deceased and because some have skipped my memory.]

If Albert (real name) were alive he’d blog. Albert was my guinea-pig.

We unfortunately found him dead in his cadge the day after my 18^th birthday party. One fatality following a number of near casualties. Guinea-God rest his over-excitable soul.

Albert once sent his credentials off to the Early Times looking for a pen-pal. His ad read something like:

“My name’s Albert, I’m 2 ½ years old. I like playing in my run and eating cabbage. Please write to me, I’d like to hear from you.”

The responses came flooding through our front door. There was Dibbin the Cat in Chipping Norton. There was Helen, a female 11-year-old human who seemed very keen to befriend Albert and asked: “Why do you say you’re a guinea-pig?”

And there was Blossom the pet rabbit belonging to a class of 10-year-olds, who wrote to Albert 23 times in one envelope.

I thought of Albert and his epistolary jaunt earlier this week when I received a blog comment from Gorilla Bananas (real blog name at least). I was fairly surprised to receive a comment at all. I clicked on the profile and saw from the photo of the gorilla that it was someone having a joke. I saw that whoever it was was from The Congo, so I thought – Oh well it can’t be anyone I know.

As I was falling to sleep that night, thoughts of Gorilla Bananas returned to me (not like that). Wait a minute, I thought. This is a blogging gorilla. If I don’t believe it’s an actual gorilla at the keyboard why did I assume that the bit about the Congo was true? Duh. This could be someone I know. I’ve checked out Gorilla Bananas’ blog since and it is Funny. I don’t think I know this gorilla but I know I like him.

I won’t start Albert’s blog because, like I said, he’s dead so that would be weird.

Oh sorry, blown my cover. Yes, all Albert’s pen-pals, it was me writing the letters.